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The Unending Charm of Arranged Marriages in India

Parikshit Joshi        |   2014-06-13 01:47:29   |   Culture   |   Feature   |   Posted By: Invade Cafe



For years it has been considered ‘business over knot’ but if we go by numbers, arrange marriages have not only been successful but have outdone the longevity of love marriages by a big difference. There have been a lot of debates for this fact. Many say it is because parents fix it so it has their blessings, some say marriages are made in heaven it is the mode of meeting which makes the difference. Some say this, others say that.

Well, in the coming section there are not facts or numbers to prove that the charm of arrange marriages is never fading but are my personal logics and philosophies which constitute the view of the society. So, according the Mr. Philosopher in me, marriages are not the destination but a journey which two people decide to take on together, destination of which is satisfaction and happiness. Every journey that we make is not beautiful because of the destination but the way on which we travel and the discoveries that we make about the way, the co-traveler and most importantly ourselves.

In the case of love marriages, half the journey is already covered during the course of relationship prior to marriage. Hence, more often than not many mentioned discoveries are already made. There is no novel thing to know about each other and it soon grows monotonous.
While in arrange marriages the journey is a fresh one. New ‘someone’ to travel with. Someone, about whom you ain't know nothing, becomes your ‘humsafar’ as they say in Hindi, bound by a knot and a pinch of vermilion powder. 

True, love marriages are also bound with the same thing but marrying to the loved one is one’s personal decision. It’s easier to untie the knot compared to the other case where families are involved in decision making. One takes care of every step he/she takes as this would be directly related to their families.

Love gives a better stand to self in the marriages. Agreed! But love marriages, specially of the #instantpatchup-breakupgeneration, eventually turnout to just a stand of ‘me’. My dreams, my desires, my values, my family, my car, my ABC, my XYZ and so on. Where does ‘me’ come in a relationship from? A relationship has to be about ‘we’& ‘us’ and arrange marriages are rightly about that because then backing out is the worst option. Making adjustments is much easier. Sacrifices and adjustments: a relationship is entirely about that. Not about making sacrifices but making them with ease.

Yes, at first it may seem a chore for the new arrange-married couple but eventually as the journey goes on, it is like butter being sliced by a hot knife. In the journey, there are awkward moments when the couple can’t even talk, and then there are the special moments which the ‘love-married’ couple might have already enjoyed. And here we come to the same point about discoveries.

Another most important thing is expectations. In a love marriage, there are loaded expectations, we all agree to that. Expectations never let the fragrance of the marriage in. While in an arrange marriage, well, what would one expect of a complete stranger? And then, when even little things come without any expectations they seem great.  The fragrance hence, is ever increasing.

These facts and the support of family and the community strengthen the knot. It is because of them that the charm of arrange marriages never fades away.

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Arranged marriages, Marriages, Big Fat Indian wedding
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